19Apr1876, Papa Ends His Life

LISMORE, April 17th-23rd, 1876.
—It has been God's will to send us a terrible anguish. On Monday morning came from Aunt Coque a sadly disheartening account of dear Papa. The latter days of the week before last we all saw hopeful symptoms, especially in his looks and also in his diminished restlessness, and power of occupying himself for longer times together. (Tho' all along as always during former attacks he has done whatever work he had to do.) If he had been younger, no doubt this would have been the beginning of recovery as formerly. But from Aunt C.'s letter it seemed that he had entered upon a different and darker stage : utter lassitude and hopeless distress, with occasional paroxysms of misery. Never any delusion or altered feeling towards any of us, but true perplexities all exaggerated....

God only knows what his anguish has been these many weeks past, deepening and deepening upon him ; yet through all what gentleness and uncomplaining patience and affection! and what faith in God! We never thought of anything worse than a longer trial than usual. Hitherto his vigorous health, both mental and physical, has always thrown off the attacks, and he has recovered absolutely; they have rolled away like clouds....

On Easter Monday he wrote kindly and sympathetically to Archdeacon Horn, on hearing of his daughter's death, ending his letter with a few words about being detained in London by "some sort of nervous complaint" and a word or two on business. The very morning after came upon him what we do indeed believe was a messenger of release (God seeing that His true and loving servant could no longer bear the anguish), a momentary and over-mastering paroxysm. Not knowing what he did, he rushed away from the man who was always with him in his room, and fell over the banisters: we shall never know if it was in any degree accidental or not, but we do know he was as unaccountable as if a lightning-stroke had fallen on him....

And at a little past midnight God took him to His Eternal Peace.